Neurodivergent friends, how do you find compromises with people you love who have wildly different needs than you?

I have a friend with ADHD who lives in another country, and we try to talk on the phone regularly. However, the time of our scheduled call regularly changes, or something comes up on her end, or she schedules things too close together and she can't make it at the agreed-upon time. She recognizes this is something she struggles with and we have talked about it.

I, on the other hand, have my day planned from the morning, and I get everything done that I need to do prior to a call, then I take some moments to settle in by making tea and finding a comfortable spot so that I can be really present, both for her and for me. I can't rush around and suddenly be in the headspace to be there meaningfully for a friend.

For years I made adjustments for others -- waiting around when they were late, arriving at someone's building and being left in the weather until they had themselves put together, being stood up, or adapting to endless rescheduling.

My nervous system just can't handle it anymore. When I don't know when this friend will actually be available on the day of our call, I'm on edge the entire day.

She and I tried having a regular check-in so that she could schedule it into her calendar, and that worked for a couple of weeks but then no longer did.

I care about this friend and our years-long friendship, and we are both better people for knowing the other. Our conversations are always mutually fulfilling, and I love catching up with her.

But I'm struggling to make space for my own need for consistency and reliability while trying to respect her need for flexibility.

Has anyone found a good solution to this problem?

#Neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #Gifted #HSP

@hmm_cook I can't imagine my like in 20 years. The 19 year old me would not have predicted 39 year old me. The 29 year old me, would not have predicted 49 year old me.

Inverting this, I would tell 29 year old me, to stop chasing dopamine through work addiction. It's too stressful, which will lead to burnout and/or depression. A bit late by then, and I wasn't listening to others telling me. Go back to sports and start the gym. Help find alternative outlets to get that high.

Take #ADHD and #autism seriously.

RE: https://mas.to/@PatternChaser/116029227979501465

It makes me laugh, but it's laughter through tears.

#ADHD

Certain impulses must be nurtured, because if I kill them, they also kills the whole week, sometimes more. #adhd #musings

Hey lovelies 🩷

Is anybody aware of an existing word in English or any other language for the intense pain of being misunderstood?

We're thinking specifically about the kinda of pain that neurospicy folks often feel from being constantly misunderstood by others, but particularly by non-neurospicy folks.

It's usually a cumulative pain that builds up over years or even decades, and factors into neurodivergent experiences like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Thanks in advance 🫶

#neurodivergent #neurodivergence #PainOfBeingMisunderstood #linguistics #language #AuDHD #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic

Olen tässä kuunnellut Laura Wathénin kirjaa "Ai se olikin adhd". Wathénin tietokirja tuo mieleen paljon muistoja. Tosin ei kovinkaan suloisia. 🙄

Neuroepätyypillisyys teettää kaikenlaista, tiedän sen varsin pitkästä kokemuksesta, olenhan jo vanhuuseläkkeellä.

Koska Wathénin tarina on kovin henkilölohtaista sitä ajoittain kuvittelee että tarinaa äänikirjassa kertoo itse kirjoittaja, mutta näin ei ole. Äänikirjaa lukee Mirjami Heikkinen.

(Kirjan lukijalla on kummallinen tapa ääntää sanat joissa on g-kirjain, kuten diagnoosi 😂ee)

Kuuntelen, en lue, ihan vaan neuroepätyypillistä laiskuuttani! 😂

#adhd #neuroepatyypillinen #laurawathen

Too bad the dungeon master is unreliable
#adhd #adhdmeme #adhs #tdah

Alt...

The image displays text on a white background, presented as a humorous comparison of phrasing. The first section contrasts "asking 'have you taken your meds?'" with the descriptors "condescending" and "rude." The second section presents "saying 'this potion will help you on your quest!'" followed by "exciting" and "makes mental health seem like a grand adventure."

@partim @darkphoenix And as I thought, due to #ADHD-related reasons, we missed that second train. We’ve now delayed the whole thing by an hour. I’ve updated the itinerary yet again at https://s.moof.space/trip20260204

This is a little painful. I’d timed that RB84 to go past the Großer Plöner See, a large lake that we take a train through and past an island, round about sunset. As it is… we probably won’t make it much past Kiel before the sun sets.

At least I’ll get to see the big train loop at Rendsburg during the light of day. Twice ;)

I hope we don’t have any further snags today.

OK, I'm clearly letting #ADHD get the better of me again, I'm jumping on projects left and right without abandon, time to slow down a bit. Don't want to end burned out again.

But it's all so {important,fun,cool,interesting}, I don't wanna not do it all!

Bounce, bounce, bounce.

Not only are workloads increasing, by hollowing out their junior ranks, businesses are putting themselves squarely in the path of a slow-burning demographic time bomb as seniors begin to retire in record numbers.

"There won’t be an endless supply of experienced hires to fall back on, so everyone will be fighting for the limited, increasingly expensive talent with domain expertise"

What exactly is the tech-industry's endgame here?

https://www.fastcompany.com/91483431/companies-replaced-entry-level-workers-with-ai

#noai #techbros #ai #llm #technology #programming #sysadmin #linux #indieweb #capitalism #reading #art #adhd

#nowPlaying

Boney M. - Rasputin

I don't know how it happened. I just accepted and committed to it 😂

#adhd #adhs

I have just had occasion to use this sentence in a group chat and thought I would share my great wisdom with the assembled fediversians.

"I often use my shawl pin to wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape. Blanket cape superhero nonsense is a great way to get annoying tasks completed"

Then it isn't me doing the boring task, it is a superhero to the rescue and the novelty bumps my ADHD into action

#ADHD #ADHDLifeHacks #ADHDLife

Good take on the scientific misunderstanding of #ADHD https://thediagnosis.substack.com/p/a-generation-got-told-their-brains @actuallyadhd

ADHD people experience time in three categories: "NOW", "NOT NOW" and "EXPIRED"

#adhd #adhdmeme #adhs #tdah

This! ⬇️⬇️↕️

“We Designed the Test. You Failed It. Somehow That Was Your Problem.

Here’s a dirty secret clinical psychologists don’t advertise: Our assessment tools are designed by neurotypical researchers measuring neurotypical outcomes.“

https://autistics.life/@eazy/115987607063729817

#ADHD #TDAH #neurodivergent

And this

“ Parents:

Your child isn’t broken. They have a brain that works differently. Some things will always be harder for them. Some things will be easier. Neither defines their worth or their future.

What helps: Structure without rigidity. Clear expectations with flexible execution. Recognizing that homework resistance might be neurological overwhelm, not laziness. Finding what they’re good at and building from there.“

#ADHD #TDAH

And this one.

“The world is not going to fully adapt to ADHD brains. Not because it shouldn’t, but because it won’t. Neurotypical people designed most systems, and those systems aren’t changing overnight. Meetings will still exist. Deadlines will still happen. Partners will still have needs that require consistent follow-through.

This creates a genuine ethical question: How much should the world accommodate neurodivergence, and how much should individuals with ADHD adapt to a world that wasn’t designed for them?

My clinical opinion: Both.

Nobody loves this answer. Too bad. It’s the right one.“

#ADHD #TDAH