Hi everyone.

I know I don't really post much here anymore, but this is gonna be a pretty long, pretty depressing update on my life.

For the past year and a half, I've been on Threads, mostly discussing pro wrestling because it's been a lifelong passion of mine and there's not much discussion about it here.

Well, back in April 2025, my dad got sick really bad with A-Fib and was bedridden. He's a big guy so it took me, my mom, and my sister to take care of him. Throughout 2025, I continued being the main one to be taking care of him while my mom and sister work, because as a lot of you know, I'm disabled.

At the beginning of 2026, I thought things were looking up because he had just had surgery to try to alleviate the A-Fib and more personally, I had started "flirting" with this woman that had been a mutual for several months on Threads.

I really took a liking to this woman because I had been attracted to her from her pics she'd post on Threads even before we started flirting. In my opinion, we had a TON in common in a way that I hadn't had in 10+ years and it got to the point where we'd seen each other's entire bodies and such.

Well...at the end of February, my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack and my entire facade of any sort of mental health went out the window.

It was a LOT to deal with. Not only with the mental weight of losing my dad who's the only continuous person in my life that's been supporting me and being there for me and having to cremate him, but I also had the full burden of being the only legal right to all of his assets.

I had to deal with 3 vehicles, a house, and a bank account. I got VERY QUICKLY mentally overwhelmed and started drinking to cope.

Then, after the first week of March, right when I'm dealing with all this, the woman decides she doesn't want to flirt anymore and just wants to be friends. As someone that literally has nobody to talk to almost 90% of the time, and her filling a great portion of that beforehand, it shattered me completely. Especially because of how much I liked her beforehand, I felt like I had won the lottery and then blew the millions before I put it in my bank account. We weren't even in a relationship or anything. I just REALLY REALLY wanted to be and could see myself absolutely super happy with her.

Ever since then, I've dealt with all of the assets and gotten everything in order and in my name for the most part.

Now, I'm dealing with the fact that I have 1 friend that barely talks to me, and no goals or ambitions. I've had exactly one hug in 5 years and it was from my nephew while my dad was being worked on by EMTs.

I am EXTREMELY lonely, manic depressive with PTSD, and extremely ADHD with strong RSD.

I've been mentally in shambles. I've been drinking more than I'd like to admit but it makes the pain numb for awhile and I try not to bother anyone while I'm drunk. I also have been heavily smoking weed, but I've always smoked weed, it's just increased tenfold. I smoked 2 ounces this month and it'd normally take 2-3 months to smoke that much.

I spent a bunch of my inheritance on wrestling show tickets and I'm taking my nephew because I feel like I HAVE to get out of this house. Being in this house alone with nobody to wrap my arms around and hold is literally destroying me mentally.

Our first trip starts on Thursday and my mental is getting so bad that I'm worried I'm gonna lose my mind before then.

Nobody really talks to me and when they do, one of us usually quickly runs out of things to say.

Anyway, I'm sorry if I worry anyone with this post. That's not the point. I just figured i owed some people an update because I have a lot of you here that had supported me for a long time.

I'll be fine I'm sure. Eventually. I'm not right now, but hopefully I will be eventually.

Take care,
Your friend,
BeAware

#Depression #MentalHealth #PTSD #Death #Loss #ADHD #Life #Alcohol #Drugs

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Hello

Some weeks it feels like we’ve done something significant with ourselves, like nothing big enough can change our resolve. Some weeks it feels like none of this matters. Like the roundup goes out, the requests sit there, and the world continues producing the same conditions that made the requests necessary in the first place. That feeling is rational; it is a system working exactly as intended.

We help not because we can, or because we want to, but because we must. The isolation is manufactured. Nation-state governments, imperial powers did not just create material deprivation; they created the feeling that nobody is coming, that we are each alone in it. We are not.

Below are the people who are not alone, as long as you are taking action accordingly after reading this.

Mutual Aid Roundup

@mousefriend @sassycassyshenanigans @Sbarry8520 @SomeRandomG33k @bun @pronounshe @LukeOrion @ginny @QuyetPawz @squirrellilly @kshernandez @soberaim

Palestinian Campaign Spotlight

Support Diyaa: A Home, a Future, and Hope Lost in Gaza

Diyaa’s surgery was left incomplete due to Gaza’s medical shortages. He risks losing his leg and is the sole provider for his 9-member family. Show up.
[View original post]

@DiaaMahmoud097@ieji.de

REDISTRIBUTE

A Lifeline for My Family of 14 in Gaza – Urgent Evacuation & Safety Needed

Ramadan’s family of 14 in Gaza lives in a tent, struggling daily for food, water, and safety. Show up for them however you can.
[View original post]

@Ramadan@ieji.de

REDISTRIBUTE

Gaza Verified Archive

Verified Palestinian campaigns under $200

These are verified Palestinian accounts whose campaigns received less than $200 in the past 7 days.

Nine of many. The archive holds the rest.

@karamgaza@mastodon.social @joudfamily@mastodon.social @hemaalshaer@mastodon.social @taqwasaied@mastodon.social @nourgaza@mastodon.social @reemmohammed@mastodon.social @Mohammedmorjan@mastodon.scot @shereengaza@mastodon.social @Jamal40@mastodon.social

Open the archive, find the campaign link on each account, give directly where possible, and share the campaign links that need movement.

View underfunded campaign list About Gaza Verified Campaigns

This week’s mutual aid roundup listed 12 requests, yes. This won’t happen often. Listing the first 10 direct requests under my weekly checkpoint is still the rule; it still applies. I’m unsure if I have any reasons or justifications other than I just felt like doing it, I just felt like listing them all. Maybe because they’re there, maybe because some weeks are harder than the rest, maybe because I can and don’t need any reason or justification to do something within my capacity, or maybe because this is the only thing I can do to help them.

This roundup exists because I keep showing up to put it together. If this work has reached you or helped you find a way to make a difference from the safety of your home, I am asking you to spare me a little to cover the total of my monthly essentials. It’s been stuck at $4.48 of $375, with a deadline of 16 June.

As a disabled multitalented cryptid gal™ whose birth month is this month, a $5 monthly support helps me and this work the most. One-off support through my ko-fi goal or my monthly support package also helps me greatly. Either way, any support is appreciated.

If you can’t or won’t help me—help them. Support them.

Support them within your capacity in the way that matters — materially, socially, however you can. If the past couple of days taught me anything, it is that it’s so easy to feel helpless, to feel like there is no end to this. But it is by design. It is engineered to isolate, corner, render you helpless, while the whole time gaslighting you into believing that your existence, your survival needs justification, normalising suspicions in the name of security and protection, when it is just surveillance and control in the language of care.

And it isn’t you as a person or you and your hard earned income whose security and safety needs protection; it’s your paradigm, your worldview, it is the very thing shaped by systemic conditioning that is later called common sense—that makes poverty, unemployment, being unhoused, late paying rent, overdue debt and bills, seem like an individual failure, and a state of economic safety of an individual seem like evidence of meritocracy.

After being stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of grieving, feeling helpless, enraged, one after another for the past few days and how it only got more intense within the last 24 hours, I realised that there is hope too. That anger, scathingly judging, holding grudge against the system and the obscenely rich, is a sign that apparently I have not abandoned hope. I have even devised a series of sick scenarios for revenge against the rich in my anger. Clearly, even in my helpless, grieving, enraged state, I still have a vision for the future, that I’m still planning to have a future.

Hope.

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